"I don't want to ride this rollercoaster, think I want to get off..."

     Well I just got home from Ad Guys apartment and I find myself a single again.  After we went to see a movie tonight, he decided it was the right moment to break up with me.  He told me that it was because of the talk we had a couple of weeks ago about being more serious.  He said that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that he didn't have the time for anything more than something casual and even if he did that he wouldn't be able to stay monogamous either.  So we talked about it for a little bit and I quickly saw that he had already made up his mind about it and for him there was no going back.  Although through out the entire conversation he kept asking if I was mad or upset at him because he didn't want me to be.  I told him that I was a little upset but I just couldn't bring myself to tell him how much it really did hurt me inside.  Plus I was a little afraid that I might start to tear up...And for me there is nothing worse than crying in-front of the guy who is at that moment dumping you.  So after a bit I told him that I had better get going and that it would be a while before I would be ready to talk to him.  He continued trying to make sure that I would not be upset or mad at him until I finally told him that if he was looking for an absolution from me, he wasn't going to get one.
     As I walked to the subway and the whole ride home I kept thinking about it and was really trying to keep myself from wanting to erase the whole relationship from my mind.  I know that we all have lessons about life to learn and that experience is one of the best teachers.  But sometimes I feel like I will never get to meet a man that is actually whole on the inside and able to just have a relationship without all of this unnecessary drama.
     It wasn't until I got home and sat down at my computer that my final revelation came to me.  I got onto the dubious gay website that I had originally met Ad Guy through and guess who I see online at that moment.  Yep, that's right, not even half an hour after dumping me he was looking for his next hook-up.  I guess he really wasn't ready....or maybe I'm just a little too ready.