"Don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch...Just smoke my cigarette and hush..."

     Well clearly my resolution to post more often is off to a rough start but then again its easy to improve if the bar is set low to begin with. 
     Things with Ad Guy have been going great for once, we've had about five more dates and  have...ahem, been together in a biblical way.  And I was even a lady this time waiting for three whole dates before giving it up.  As with any guy I start to see romantically, I know that there has to be some problem or flaw with them.  All guys have them, even me, but some have bigger problems than others and Ad Guy has a pretty big one.   I found out a week ago that he isn't out to any of his family or really anyone from his home town.  Some of this is a bigger deal than others, such as the home town part...big deal.  Plus the only reason I found out about it was because he got his sister a free-lance gig at his firm and she is staying with him for two weeks.  So suddenly I have become a dirty little secret while she is staying with him.  I know that everyone has to come out on their own terms but after a certain point in life barring any physical ailments or financial dependency being closeted just turns into milking it.  He is 23 and is finished with college and lives on his own in a city four states away.   It really has made me think about what it would mean for any sort of long term involvement with him and what it would mean.  Not that I am against dating someone just because they haven't told their parents but family is a big deal for me and I want to share my family with him and to do the same with his.  He told me that he wants to tell them but that there just hasn't been the right time...(insert groan here).  I feel like some poor straight guy believing a baby trapping whore who is telling me that she is on the pill...aka buyer beware.  So for now I'll wait and see how it goes and if I think that its worth it to look past this issue.
     I also have some news on the UG front.  I saw him last night at a spa in midtown for a "sparty"  with other like minded homos.  Basically a thinly veiled reason to be naked in public with possibility of inappropriate  touching in the steam room.  But I did talk with him for a while and found out that he is dating someone whom he seems very interested in.  After hearing this I thought that I would be crushed but instead I actually felt liberated from it all...it meant that I could finally free myself from this obsession with trying to be with him.  Even the next day I'm not at all upset and I'm actually glad that I can just be friends with him. 
     On a sluttier note...I have joined the masses and downloaded the homo low-jack known as Grindr. 

If your not familiar its a "social networking" (read hook-up) app that allows you to chat with boys but it only tells you how many feet/miles away from you they are.  It doesn't say where they are just that they are *blank* distance from your location.  So basically it has turned my iPod into a iWhore...very classy.

"I can't sleep, I can't speak to you..."

     Well, its been a while since I last posted and a lot has happened... so since I can't sleep at the moment, I figured that I would do a quick update

     I have the final news (I think) on the UG front...and that would be that he has no interest in me at all!  Not even for friends.  I texted him last on New Years Eve and I got a message back wishing me a good new year and that is it folks.  It has been eight days and I have purposely not initiated any contact to see what would happen and I got my answer.  I know that most of you are un-shocked by this news but let me try to explain.  I try to live my life with no regrets and I had held a candle of hope that he liked me but was afraid to admit to it encase it wasn't reciprocated.  But if he had any feelings for me he would have at least wanted to talk to me, even just to say "hey, whats up" if nothing else.  So I'm finally admitting to the truth of the matter to myself and just moving on.
     I also just applied to culinary school for this winter.  I know I said that I wanted to go to design school but after this past week I made another realization about my life, this times its about how much I hate my job.  I work for a man that is totally incompetent and has the interpersonal skills of a masochistic eel.  I'm sick and tired of cleaning up his messes and making sure all the things he can't or won't do, get done.   I hate retail in general but I'm finding that I have less and less energy to get out of bed everyday to just pretend that I care about any of it.  Plus he isn't too far from being the Devil in something other than Prada.  I'm a very smart and talented individual who could be a lot happier and making a lot more money else where, so its time to make a move.  I applied for classes that will start in Feb so here is hoping for a change.
     On the man front I've gone from UG to Ad Guy.  I was on the dubious gay website and was just bored and chatting away when I happened to start talking to a guy who lives in Manhattan and works at an advertising agency.  So I've had two dates so far and it has been really nice and fun.  I'm not sure where it will lead to but that will be part of the fun.  Plus going out with someone who actually has feelings for me and remembering what that is truly like has opened my eyes to the truth of UG as well.