Well, I'm here on my last night at my parents house and I have had so much to think about this past week that I feel a little overwhelmed right now. To go into a little background, I took a week of vacation from work and took the train out of the city for a week to see my parents since I haven't had a proper visit since last summer and I've been feeling a little guilty about it. Most of the week has been spent with just my parents but today I got to spend a couple of hours with one of my friends from my High school days. To be honest I have been avoiding visiting with her just because she has a kid and has never been able to get out of our small town. I was afraid that when I finally saw here that most of the time would spent listening to her bitch about how she is stuck here and how her life sucks and poor her...and I was right. After about 20 min I started to regret the visit, I will always like her and the times we had spent together but right now we couldn't have less in common with each other. I really didn't want to tell her about most of the things that I have done or that are going on because I was actually starting to feel guilty about it...and I continued to feel that way until I realized how effed up that is. I had to work hard to get out and to have the life I wanted and why would I ever let anyone make me feel guilty for reaching my dream. So after about two hours I called it quits and headed back to my parents house.
Part of my thought overload has to do with my parents but its almost 10:30pm and I have to pack and be ready to leave the house in 9 hours so I can be on my train and be off to my real life, so the story behind my parents will have to wait...maybe when I'm on the train tomorrow I'll crack open that one for all my readers.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
"Don't wanna kiss, don't wanna touch...Just smoke my cigarette and hush..."
Well clearly my resolution to post more often is off to a rough start but then again its easy to improve if the bar is set low to begin with.
Things with Ad Guy have been going great for once, we've had about five more dates and have...ahem, been together in a biblical way. And I was even a lady this time waiting for three whole dates before giving it up. As with any guy I start to see romantically, I know that there has to be some problem or flaw with them. All guys have them, even me, but some have bigger problems than others and Ad Guy has a pretty big one. I found out a week ago that he isn't out to any of his family or really anyone from his home town. Some of this is a bigger deal than others, such as the home town part...big deal. Plus the only reason I found out about it was because he got his sister a free-lance gig at his firm and she is staying with him for two weeks. So suddenly I have become a dirty little secret while she is staying with him. I know that everyone has to come out on their own terms but after a certain point in life barring any physical ailments or financial dependency being closeted just turns into milking it. He is 23 and is finished with college and lives on his own in a city four states away. It really has made me think about what it would mean for any sort of long term involvement with him and what it would mean. Not that I am against dating someone just because they haven't told their parents but family is a big deal for me and I want to share my family with him and to do the same with his. He told me that he wants to tell them but that there just hasn't been the right time...(insert groan here). I feel like some poor straight guy believing a baby trapping whore who is telling me that she is on the pill...aka buyer beware. So for now I'll wait and see how it goes and if I think that its worth it to look past this issue.
I also have some news on the UG front. I saw him last night at a spa in midtown for a "sparty" with other like minded homos. Basically a thinly veiled reason to be naked in public with possibility of inappropriate touching in the steam room. But I did talk with him for a while and found out that he is dating someone whom he seems very interested in. After hearing this I thought that I would be crushed but instead I actually felt liberated from it all...it meant that I could finally free myself from this obsession with trying to be with him. Even the next day I'm not at all upset and I'm actually glad that I can just be friends with him.
On a sluttier note...I have joined the masses and downloaded the homo low-jack known as Grindr.
If your not familiar its a "social networking" (read hook-up) app that allows you to chat with boys but it only tells you how many feet/miles away from you they are. It doesn't say where they are just that they are *blank* distance from your location. So basically it has turned my iPod into a iWhore...very classy.
Things with Ad Guy have been going great for once, we've had about five more dates and have...ahem, been together in a biblical way. And I was even a lady this time waiting for three whole dates before giving it up. As with any guy I start to see romantically, I know that there has to be some problem or flaw with them. All guys have them, even me, but some have bigger problems than others and Ad Guy has a pretty big one. I found out a week ago that he isn't out to any of his family or really anyone from his home town. Some of this is a bigger deal than others, such as the home town part...big deal. Plus the only reason I found out about it was because he got his sister a free-lance gig at his firm and she is staying with him for two weeks. So suddenly I have become a dirty little secret while she is staying with him. I know that everyone has to come out on their own terms but after a certain point in life barring any physical ailments or financial dependency being closeted just turns into milking it. He is 23 and is finished with college and lives on his own in a city four states away. It really has made me think about what it would mean for any sort of long term involvement with him and what it would mean. Not that I am against dating someone just because they haven't told their parents but family is a big deal for me and I want to share my family with him and to do the same with his. He told me that he wants to tell them but that there just hasn't been the right time...(insert groan here). I feel like some poor straight guy believing a baby trapping whore who is telling me that she is on the pill...aka buyer beware. So for now I'll wait and see how it goes and if I think that its worth it to look past this issue.
I also have some news on the UG front. I saw him last night at a spa in midtown for a "sparty" with other like minded homos. Basically a thinly veiled reason to be naked in public with possibility of inappropriate touching in the steam room. But I did talk with him for a while and found out that he is dating someone whom he seems very interested in. After hearing this I thought that I would be crushed but instead I actually felt liberated from it all...it meant that I could finally free myself from this obsession with trying to be with him. Even the next day I'm not at all upset and I'm actually glad that I can just be friends with him.
On a sluttier note...I have joined the masses and downloaded the homo low-jack known as Grindr.
If your not familiar its a "social networking" (read hook-up) app that allows you to chat with boys but it only tells you how many feet/miles away from you they are. It doesn't say where they are just that they are *blank* distance from your location. So basically it has turned my iPod into a iWhore...very classy.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
"I can't sleep, I can't speak to you..."
Well, its been a while since I last posted and a lot has happened... so since I can't sleep at the moment, I figured that I would do a quick update
I have the final news (I think) on the UG front...and that would be that he has no interest in me at all! Not even for friends. I texted him last on New Years Eve and I got a message back wishing me a good new year and that is it folks. It has been eight days and I have purposely not initiated any contact to see what would happen and I got my answer. I know that most of you are un-shocked by this news but let me try to explain. I try to live my life with no regrets and I had held a candle of hope that he liked me but was afraid to admit to it encase it wasn't reciprocated. But if he had any feelings for me he would have at least wanted to talk to me, even just to say "hey, whats up" if nothing else. So I'm finally admitting to the truth of the matter to myself and just moving on.
I also just applied to culinary school for this winter. I know I said that I wanted to go to design school but after this past week I made another realization about my life, this times its about how much I hate my job. I work for a man that is totally incompetent and has the interpersonal skills of a masochistic eel. I'm sick and tired of cleaning up his messes and making sure all the things he can't or won't do, get done. I hate retail in general but I'm finding that I have less and less energy to get out of bed everyday to just pretend that I care about any of it. Plus he isn't too far from being the Devil in something other than Prada. I'm a very smart and talented individual who could be a lot happier and making a lot more money else where, so its time to make a move. I applied for classes that will start in Feb so here is hoping for a change.
On the man front I've gone from UG to Ad Guy. I was on the dubious gay website and was just bored and chatting away when I happened to start talking to a guy who lives in Manhattan and works at an advertising agency. So I've had two dates so far and it has been really nice and fun. I'm not sure where it will lead to but that will be part of the fun. Plus going out with someone who actually has feelings for me and remembering what that is truly like has opened my eyes to the truth of UG as well.
I have the final news (I think) on the UG front...and that would be that he has no interest in me at all! Not even for friends. I texted him last on New Years Eve and I got a message back wishing me a good new year and that is it folks. It has been eight days and I have purposely not initiated any contact to see what would happen and I got my answer. I know that most of you are un-shocked by this news but let me try to explain. I try to live my life with no regrets and I had held a candle of hope that he liked me but was afraid to admit to it encase it wasn't reciprocated. But if he had any feelings for me he would have at least wanted to talk to me, even just to say "hey, whats up" if nothing else. So I'm finally admitting to the truth of the matter to myself and just moving on.
I also just applied to culinary school for this winter. I know I said that I wanted to go to design school but after this past week I made another realization about my life, this times its about how much I hate my job. I work for a man that is totally incompetent and has the interpersonal skills of a masochistic eel. I'm sick and tired of cleaning up his messes and making sure all the things he can't or won't do, get done. I hate retail in general but I'm finding that I have less and less energy to get out of bed everyday to just pretend that I care about any of it. Plus he isn't too far from being the Devil in something other than Prada. I'm a very smart and talented individual who could be a lot happier and making a lot more money else where, so its time to make a move. I applied for classes that will start in Feb so here is hoping for a change.
On the man front I've gone from UG to Ad Guy. I was on the dubious gay website and was just bored and chatting away when I happened to start talking to a guy who lives in Manhattan and works at an advertising agency. So I've had two dates so far and it has been really nice and fun. I'm not sure where it will lead to but that will be part of the fun. Plus going out with someone who actually has feelings for me and remembering what that is truly like has opened my eyes to the truth of UG as well.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
"I think that I could understand..."
"Well I got home from UG's apt a little bit ago and then went out and got a real Christmas Tree with my roomie. Unfortunately I have nothing new to report on the UG front...which means I'm no closer to finding out where this is going although I did have a really weird experience with him this morning. Since both of us aren't used to sleeping in the same bed we both kept waking up all through the night, it was during one of these times at like 6am that we both woke up and just started to hold each other and just cuddle. And once again I have no idea why this is such a thing for me, the whole time we were holding each other all I wanted to do was cry because I realized just how much I care for him and how much I would do for him. In that moment all I wanted was to stay like that forever, to just never let go. I am kinda thinking that I'm cracking up over this....I have never been like that with a guy before and it really scares me, especially for the fact that I'm not sure what it means. I have slept in the same bed and cuddled up with him before and never had this happen, with him nor with any other guy. Although in the morning I knew that I had things that had to get done today so I couldn't spend all day in bed with him. So when I said that I had to get going, he seemed really bummed and tried to keep me in bed with him. Plus I'll see him tomorrow night at yet another Underwear Party.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
"Its cold outside, but between us its worse in here..."
Ugg, so I just broke up with DC Guy over e-mail, lame I know. But he emailed me about how I have become distant and how he hasn't really heard from me lately. The conversation was a little ugly but we both agreed that there were things that we should have talked about sooner. So I wished him well and said that maybe we could try it again when he comes back to the city next year. Now I'm single again I guess, and I'm free to see where it goes with UG. As much as I knew it was over, I am sad that it really is finished.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
"The Glass is Half Full and not Half Empty..."
I am so glad to be done with Thanksgiving week finally. It ended up being one of the most out of control times in a very long while and it all started the Wednesday before the holiday. I had rented a car so that I could drive up to Boston this year instead of taking the train like I usually do. So I get to the rental place right at 10am to pick up my car, and I am suddenly told that I must have a credit card in my name or else they won't rent me a car. I tell the woman behind the counter that I received an email from Orbitz stating that all I needed was a Debit card in my name to pick up the car. She told me that I could use a Debit card at the Airports but in the city I had to have a Credit card. Needless to say that after over half an hour on the phone and a lot of runaround from both Orbitz and Alamo I was walking down 8th Ave toward Penn Station without a car. (To give you an idea of thevdislike of Orbitz for many similar reasons check out this site: http://orbitz-sucks.com ) SO I end up getting train tickets up and back after all and I'm finally able to leave NYC an hour later. The whole reason I had wanted to drive up was the fact that I had to work at 9pm on Thanksgiving eve until 6am Friday morning and didn't want to deal with getting to the station during the holiday. After 3 plus hours on the train I find myself in Boston waiting for the Red Line out of the city so I can catch one of the commuter trains out to Concord to be picked up. As soon as I get to the platform for the commuter train I see it pull out of the station without me, so I'm forced to wait for almost an hour until the next train. The next one arrives and I find a seat and sit down between two large men just to hear the conductor tell us that it is going express and the next stop will be South Acton, which is well past my stop. I called my Aunt and told her of the unscheduled change in plan and to see if she can come pick me up at my new stop. She gets there a little after the train and takes me to my other Aunts house. I had finally made it to my destination after traveling for 8 hours for a trip that should take 4 and a half.
The next day up until my return departure was absolutely great. I have now become one of the "Turkey Bitches" that arrive early Thanksgiving morning to prep and cook the bird for dinner at 2pm. This is the second year that I have done this with my two Aunts and its a lot of work buts its also a really fun time. Especially after the bird is in the oven, when we get to sit down to coffee and just catch up until the rest of the house awakens. Dinner was delicious and I got to set the table with my cousin again this year.
The next day up until my return departure was absolutely great. I have now become one of the "Turkey Bitches" that arrive early Thanksgiving morning to prep and cook the bird for dinner at 2pm. This is the second year that I have done this with my two Aunts and its a lot of work buts its also a really fun time. Especially after the bird is in the oven, when we get to sit down to coffee and just catch up until the rest of the house awakens. Dinner was delicious and I got to set the table with my cousin again this year.
I was really sad to leave right after we finished dinner because I only get to see some of my relatives once a year and I would have liked more time with them. I got to work that night at 9pm and worked all night and didn't leave until 7am the next morning. But it doesn't end there, I then had to be back at 9pm on Friday night for Round 2 which I didn't leave until 7:30am this morning...but at least I missed all the shopping freaks that were out on Black Friday morning trying to save a buck.
Monday, November 23, 2009
"He didn't even say goodbye, He didn't take the time to lie..."
Well, my rationality and my doubts finally caught up with me this evening while I was folding sweaters at work. The problem with simple repetitive tasks is that it gives you too much time to think. I guess that I have been holding in all these fears and doubts about UG and they finally got the best of me. I think that part of it has to do with the fact that for the first time since we met, I'm not sure when I will see him again. He is flying home for the thanksgiving holiday on Wednesday and flying back on Sunday. I know that I won't see him before he leaves but I also don't know about after that. I saw him last night at my second underwear party and he invited me back to his apartment after it so I got to wake up with him this morning. Now to figure out how he feels...
One thing that I am excited for is I have been offered Lady Gaga tickets for her show in NYC in January. Tickets are $70 but its for front row so its kinda worth it. So now I have to figure out how to go to my family's house in Massachusetts for the holiday but still be back so I can be at work at 9am on Thursday night, and I am so pissed about it. I can't believe that i work for such a money grubbing company, because being open 363 days a year just wasn't enough.
One thing that I am excited for is I have been offered Lady Gaga tickets for her show in NYC in January. Tickets are $70 but its for front row so its kinda worth it. So now I have to figure out how to go to my family's house in Massachusetts for the holiday but still be back so I can be at work at 9am on Thursday night, and I am so pissed about it. I can't believe that i work for such a money grubbing company, because being open 363 days a year just wasn't enough.
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